Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
