My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
