well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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