i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
