While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
