she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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