It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
