the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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