I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone came in the potted fern
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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