I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize