two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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