I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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