2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
