He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
