My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
