pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
