omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
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