I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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