I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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