I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
