i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
