Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
