U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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