he puts the penis in happiness.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
