I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
