New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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