Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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