Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
