My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
