Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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