i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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