My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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