no, he came in my armpit
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
