they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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