I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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