I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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