Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
smell my finger.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
