I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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