First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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