He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
