he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize