There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
