Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
