It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Help. Why am I so naked?
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