Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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