recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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