He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
