Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize