I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
