If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
