im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize