these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
