I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
