come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
