i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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