another moral hangover. fuck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
