All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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