I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The power of my boobs compel you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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