Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
