He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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