After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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