What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
