3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
